


The Sign in the Pillows

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012), The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Fusion, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-10 22:56:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/791152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fury Badger calls on Tony Toad and his friends Bruce Mole and Steve Rat, to lay a matter of concern before them. His organization has been infiltrated!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sign in the Pillows

**Author's Note:**

> I think the Wind in the Willows has many points of similarity to the plot/characters of Iron Man 1 & 2 and the Avengers movie. I finally had to share this observation with the world.
> 
> Here are the avatars I took from the book: Tony Toad (rich, eccentric, egotistical, loves speed), Bruce Mole (quiet homebody), Steve Rat (fierce protector of his friends with an artist's temperament- he writes poems), Fury Badger (doesn't care for society, isn't afraid of anyone, or of speaking his mind- also had been a friend of Toad's father who had entrusted him with a secret he was to use to save his son if necessary- he hadn't told his son because he knew the son couldn't keep a secret.) Loki Weasel (chief weasel took over Toad's mansion when he was in prison- Obadiah Stane would have been a closer match, but he's not slinky, so not weaselable).

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"There is a mole in my organization," Fury Badger said solemnly, squinting around the table in Tony Toad's mansion at his gathered comrades. "He must be ferreted out."

Bruce Mole flinched.

Steve Water Rat (no one ever used his middle name) put his shoulders back and said, "Bruce has been steadfast and loyal, I'd stake my good name on it."

Tony put a flipper protectively around Bruce's arm. "I'd stake my bad name on it."

Fury rolled his eye (only one because he'd got something in the other one when he had a right of way dispute with a stray dog. No one asked what had happened to the dog.) "I didn't mean a mole mole. I meant a MOLE." He took a deep breath and added, "An enemy agent, hidden among us."

Bruce put on his glasses, took them off, rubbed them and put them back on again before he spoke. "And are the ferrets real?"

Fury shook his head. "Loki's ferrets have returned to the Wild Wood. They have learned their lesson."

"Maybe and maybe not," Tony said. He scowled as he looked around the room which still bore signs of the ferrets' occupation of his home, including a large Loki-shaped dent in the floor where Bruce had proved that even a mild-mannered mole can go berserk if sufficiently annoyed. "Toad Hall is a temptation."

Steve growled, "If you'd been home, taking care of it, they would have never got in!"

Tony puffed himself up large (he disliked being smaller than Steve and Fury, and only taller than Mole by dint of well-padded carpet slippers). "I was in prison, not a holiday rest camp!"

"You wouldn't have been in prison if you hadn't stolen that car!"

"It was PRETTY. I NEEDED IT!"

Bruce cleared his throat. After the Loki-swatting affair, the other animals tended to pay attention when he did that. "Could we please stick to the point here? If this _mole_ is hidden, then how do you know he even exists, Fury?"

"Because I found _this_ on my pillow!" Fury opened up his pocketbook, and took out a feather, waving it triumphantly in the air before setting it down on the table.

"So, Fury has a chick..." Tony started, but he shut up under a simultaneous barrage of Fury-growl, Steve stern look and Bruce eye-roll. "What? It's a _feather_ , not a confession! What does it even mean?" Tony got up and began hopping around the table, pulling out books and leafing through them. "Feather... that's under E for Ef?"

"Don't bother, Toad." Fury planted his big paw on the Jarvis Dictionary, shutting it. "The feather is a sign from Clint Hawk. He sees everything and he reports to me."

Bruce scratched behind one ear. "Um, and you read feathers?" He poked at the feather. "Where does it say Mole?"

"It doesn't, but the note _under_ my other pillow did!" He unfolded a rather badger-greasy scrap of paper and laid it on the table next to the feather. It had a crude drawing of a red fox with an arrow pointing to a drawing of a mole- or it might have been a weasel, possibly a ferret. Apparently hawk claws aren't good at pencil holding. 

"I don't speak pictures, either," Tony said grumpily. "Unless it means there's a foxy chick..." Tony huffed and hopped away when everyone glared at him. "This spy business is no fun."

"Like it was fun making a suit of armor and flying around the countryside screaming 'I am Iron Toad'?" Steve asked.

"There was a very, very serious reason behind that." Tony paused. "Give me a minute and I'll think of it."

Badger dropped a heavy paw on the table with a bang. "Gentlemen. What are _you_ prepared to do?"

Tony swallowed, which was a toad's way of blinking. "Get buzzed on fireflies?"

"Not helping, Tony," Bruce murmured.

Steve said, "How many red foxes do you have in the organization, Fury?" 

"I don't know. They're sneaky devils, and refuse to be counted. And they change their names every time you meet them."

"So, let me get this straight," Tony said, "you have a problem with sneaky foxes, and you expect a mole, a toad and a rat to outsmart them?"

"Well, I don't say outsmart..."

Tony puffed up again, larger than before. "I AM A GENIUS! Do you think I got rich by accident?"

"Actually, yes, that's exactly what I thought," Bruce said, and the others nodded.

Tony deflated. "I could offer a reward? Someone might turn the fox in for money. Money is a great motivator."

Steve scowled. "I'd rather just bash 'em."

"Gotta find 'em first, Paddles."

"SHEESH, you guys would talk the hind leg off a donkey," came a new voice, high in the rafters.

"EEK!" Tony hopped straight up and then landed flat on his back on the table.

"Clint," Fury said, "now that you've had your little fun, come on down."

"Sure thing," Clint Hawk replied. He swooped down with a flash of wings and smashed into one of Tony's maidservants, a frisky-looking red marten. 

"No!" Steve cried out, but before he could do anything, the martin slipped out of Clint's talons, leaving her pelt behind, to reveal herself as a glossy red vixen with glittering emerald eyes. She snapped at Clint, and flipped him through the air.

"WOW," Tony said in admiration. "Double your salary! That's awesome. What's your name, Honey? I don't want to scream the wrong thing tonight."

The vixen sniffed and laid a paw on top of the dazed hawk. "Natalia... Natalie... Natasha," she said and then shrugged. "How much salary?"

"Whatever you...OW!" Tony yelped and rubbed his head where a high-heeled flipper slipper had hit. "Peppppp, that hurt."

A long-legged golden frog strode into the room and swatted Tony with a flipper. "No. You can't have that, Tony."

Fury held out a paw to the vixen. "If you're willing to change sides, I can guarantee you pain, fear and an inadequate salary."

The vixen thought about it. "Can I have Clint, too?"

Clint coughed and flapped his wings. "I'm tough, you wouldn't want to eat me."

Natasha grinned. "No, I just think we'd make a good team."

Fury nodded. "Clint, you're with the fox. First mission, I want you to locate Loki's brother and invite him to join the team. Thor's a bear."

"A bear?" Clint asked. "Isn't Loki a weasel?"

"He's adopted."

Steve and Bruce shrugged. Bruce picked up a slice of toast and began spreading it with marmalade. Being angry always made him hungry.

Tony sulked as he sat back down at the table. "I never get to have any fun."

Pepper swatted him another one, just for luck.


End file.
